Livevine

We’ve all seen them . . . . those “upbeat” people who somehow carry sunshine in their pocket. They laugh when we want to cry, they grin when we feel like frowning, and we wonder, how in the world do they stay so happy?

Our brains are wired to take cues on how to feel from our thoughts. Positive, upbeat people have learned this key principle . . . keep negative thinking on the down low.

To do this, it take s a bit of practice. Here’s a simple exercise to help lift you “UP” during down times.

• First, make a list of all the negative thoughts which have been bothering you.
• Second, counter these thoughts with a positive affirmations.

Here’s an example:

• Negative thought - I’m never going to have enough money to pay my bills.
• Positive affirmation- I have all Ineed.
• Negative thought - I feel so stressed, I can’t do it all.
• Positive affirmation - I feel calm, and everything is as it should be.

By taking control of our negative thinking, we can feel, look and become happier.

Best of all, it doesn’t cost a thing!

Let’s talk about something that gets in the way of personal success — urges.

An urge propels a person to take some form of action. If you get the urge to register for this year’s election, the action taken as a result may be a satisfying one–urge accomplished. On the other hand, if you get the urge to eat an entire box of See’s chocolates in one sitting, that’s an urge that doesn’t serve you well if your goal is to lose last year’s accumulated weight.  

What do you do when these urges strike? Give in or abstain? Do you manage the urge or do urges manage you?

Here’s a technique to get you thinking differently about an object of desire. I’m going to use a piece of chocolate for this demonstration since I happen to have an entire box of candy sitting next to my keyboard (food for thought). I’ve taken one out of the box for analysis. 10 or more points I eat the chocolate. Negative 10 or more I abstain.

Step 1: Start with a ranking

Using a scale of 1 to 10, rank the desire to give in to a particular urge (i.e., eat the piece of chocolate.) For this example, I’ll say I’m at a +2.

Step 2: Positive Visualization

What would it take to eat the chocolate? 

• If it were filled with caramel, I would add +2 points.
• If it were dark chocolate, I would add another +2 points.
• If I hadn’t eaten all day, I’d add another +4 points.
• And if it was deliciously decadent chocolate, I’d add another +10 points.

More than likely…there’s a high probability of eating the chocolate.

Step 3: Negative visualization

What would it take to NOT eat the chocolate?

• If I knew it was filled with some awful tasting creme filling I’d give that a -5. Yuck.
• If I knew someone had fingered it with their dirty hands, that would be a big -10
• If it had been sitting opened up on a dusty shelf for 3 years, I’d deduct -10 more points.

There’s a good chance I’d walk away from the chocolate.

Herein lies the key. By visualizing either way, you control your urges. To make the urge stronger simply visualize the positive nature of what you desire. You can make an urge weaker by visualizing negatively. By rethinking the object of your desire, you increase the ability to manage the urge.

If you’re curious, I actually put the lid on the chocolate.

If I asked your closest friend which of the following words would describe you best, what would they choose? Are you a humanbeing first, or a humandoing?

This may be a painful question to ask a typical high achieving, go getting, doer, type A personality.  In fact, it may bring up some frustration, anger or even avoidance.

What matter’s most is not what someone else thinks, but how fulfilled you feel with the life you’ve chosen for yourself.

Do you enjoy being busy, productive, and living a life filled with accomplishments? If so, then congratulations on living your life on purpose.

On the other hand, if you are like many of those that find their way into my practice, the truth lies closer to “I’m just tired of it all. I feel like I’m running faster than I have strength all the time.” Many are too busy to even analyze why they are so busy. They’ve grown accustomed to, and even take pride in, their amazing ability to “get things done.” They find themselves stuck in a ”humandoing” world. The more competent they become, the more they are asked to take on. The more they take on, the more fatigued, worn out, and exhausted they feel.  High productivity is frequently reinforced by co-workers, partners, friends and even family members who have much to gain from the productive behavior.

If you were to ask many of these people what they wished they had more of, the word most frequently share may be “balance.” They’d like feel productive but fulfilled in their personal and professional lives. 

Since high acheivers derive much of their self-worth from what they do versus who they are, the thought of change can be frightening.

Who am I if I don’t perform to other’s expectations?

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are first and foremost human beings, endowed with unique qualities and gifts worthy of esteem, admiration, and respect. Regardless of what we get done, or let slip  by for a wiser purpose, our lives have meaning and purpose merely because we exist.

For those that wish to shed their image as a human doer, the first step is to honor that part of you that desires change. You’re feeling stressed, burned out and fatigued for a reason. Listen to your inner voice. Trust your intuition. It’s right more often than you might suspect.

Ask yourself this question next time you feel like you are taking on too much . . .

“If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?”